What the f*ck is self care and why isn't it working?

What the f*ck is self care and why isn't it working?

You can have the best intentions for self care. The right motives and still not benefit from it's affects if you are not engaging in your self care. Self care needs to you to be present, not thinking about the present or past. It needs your full attention. 

Holiday Survival Guide

Holiday Survival Guide

Oh, the holiday season is upon us.  Have you started to feel the changes?  Celebration, joy, and excitement, mixed with the stress and frantic-ness of commitments and obligations. Not to mention excuses to over indulge, whether you are celebrating or using it as an excuse, or to cope.  The holidays bring a mixed bag of emotions. Many people find themselves triggered and or activated during the holidays. You can maintain your sanity and enjoy the festivities. Here a couple of tips to help you through the craziness of the holidays.

With the holidays fast approaching, self care it vital!

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Download my self care kit here!

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”

 – Buddha

To you give until you feel exhausted? To put everyone else first? Do you feel tired and drained? Long for a vacation but will settle for a day with no responsibilities? Then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate your commitment to yourself.  Do you take time for you? Have a self-care ritual? Do you put yourself first by loving you?

STOP take a moment.  What does love look like to you? Is it pain and hurt? Is it peace and happiness? If it’s pain, hurt and other difficult emotions, what do you want love to look like? More like peace and happiness? Take time to reflect on how love feels and how you want love to feel.  It’s okay if your first definition of love is based on an old script.  We often base our notions of love from when we were children.  Some of us, did not have the best childhoods, so our definition of love can be skewed because we experienced love as not something pleasant but something painful and scary.  Now, is your time to take back your definition of love.  Regardless of where your first experiences of love came from, good or bad.  This is your time to define love how you want to define it.  This is love your way.  NOW. Take this new definition of self-love with you and apply it to yourself care ritual.

Self-love is loving yourself unconditionally.  Being your biggest supporter and alley. Putting yourself first.

Self-care is acts of love to nurture and honor yourself, your soul, as well as, to replenish and rejuvenate yourself.

I am a huge component of self-love and self-care.  I advocate for it all the time.  Because taking care of you is the most important thing you can do for yourself.  Because if you aren’t your best you can’t help others be their best.  If you aren’t taking care of you, your quality of life suffers.  I truly believe everyone is meant to and deserves to live life to their fullest potential, sharing their beauty and gifts with the world.  You can’t do this if your definition of love is based off an old script or you don’t care for yourself.  And self-care is not selfishness.  This word has gotten a bad rap.  I have a beautiful friend who uses the word selfish for self-care because she is putting herself first.  Selfish and greed and not caring are not synonymous. You deserve to be selfish when it comes to your livelihood.

I want you to really truly love yourself and care for yourself. Not just go through the motions.  I hear it all the time, “I got a massage this week.  I got my nails done. I went to the gym. I ate healthy.” I get it, you try.  You really do.  And these are all wonderful ways to take care of yourself. However, they can reach a deeper level.  When you look at the intention behind the massage, the nails, the gym, eating healthy.  Is it because you are told that to feel good you need self-care? Many of us, just go through the motions and then wonder why our self-care isn’t working.  Because self-care is the art of loving yourself.  Meeting yourself where you are and giving yourself what you need, by honoring yourself. When you are cold you don’t go outside and stand in the snow, no, you get a warm blanket or put on a sweater.  That is what self-care is all about.

Keys to self-care:

1.     Intention: What is the purpose of yourself care.  What service is it providing you?  Self-care is a tool to nurture your soul.  To connect to you.  To honor and love you.  What do you need today? Start here.  The intention for self-care is to give you what you need moment by moment.

2.     Permission: Give yourself permission to give yourself what you need.  To ask for what you need.  You matter.  And deserve to feel fabulous.

3.     Honoring: Honor yourself and what you need.  Don’t down play it or second guess it.  How often have you needed a nap and instead pushed through feeling exhausted and taken advantage of?  Take your nap, you’ll feel better and perform better.

4.     Ritual: Create a ritual around self-care.  Make it a habit. Check in with yourself daily.  What do you need today?  How can you honor you today? How can you make yourself care a sacred ritual that honors and fulfills you on a soul level?

Remember self-care is the act of self-love.  You deserve your love more than anyone else!  When you love you, life gets better. 

What is your favorite self-care rituals?  If you are struggling with self-love or care, please contact me, I’d love to help. 

What to do if you are an Empath

stop being a sponge, tools for empaths

You can feel it before you enter the room.  The stirring of emotions. Anger, sadness, anxiety, joy.  And now you feel unsettled.  Have you ever been  with a depressed friend and after leaving them you find yourself sinking in depression?  Or ask your lover what is wrong and he/she says nothing and you know in your gut something is wrong, they just don’t know it, yet?

Empaths are people who feel the emotions of people around them.  They can feel the energy in the room. I believe most of us are empathic, just not all of us tune into it.

Empath tool kit

Tools to help:

1.     Know you. Awareness and acknowledgement. Listen to your gut.  Address your needs.  It is easy to become a sponge sucking up everyone’s emotions and losing your own.  Know when you are overwhelmed.  Know when to set boundaries.  Know when you need time to decompress and sort through the web of emotions you are tangled in. Take time each day, to ask yourself, "Is this mine or someone else's?" If it's not yours, let it go. 

2.     Boundaries.  Being an empath doesn’t mean you have to hold someone else’s emotions.  It just means you are aware.  You can bring their attention to what you are feeling.  But you don’t have to hold it, because it’s not yours to hold.  It’s theirs. So, give it back. Taking it on does no good for you or them. Even by acknowledging the feeling, you are releasing it. 

3.     Support system. Have people you can turn to.  That you can talk to.  Those people who will listen to you.  Those people who will jump in the hole with you and just be.  Don’t discount your pets, if you have them.  Dogs, cats and horses can be incredible healing allies.

Self-Care tools:

1.     Crystals. Rose Quartz is the crystal of unconditional love. Carry this stone in your pocket to remind you that you are unconditionally loved.  As well as, that to love others you don’t have to take on their stuff. Black Tourmaline is a protective crystal. Carry this crystal to give you an added buffer between you and the world.

2.     Colored light. Before you venture out of your house, or room.  Before you deal with the world.  Surround yourself in a bubble of light, any color, just not black.  Throw in some glitter, because glitter is reflective and negativity can bounce off of your glitter.

3.     Bug zapper. Start with the colored light above. Now imagine that you are inside a bug zapper, only this bug zapper zaps away negativity and all that does not serve your highest good.

4.     Salt bath with aromatherapy and herbs. Epson salt or Himalayan salt is very cleansing.  After a long hard day, take a bath with either salt.  Set the intention that the salt water is taking away all that has stuck to you, consciously or unconsciously. You can also add lemon or lime juice or essential oils, both are also very cleansing and clearing. You can also add fresh lemon grass or lemon balm which are also very clearing (don’t have fresh herbs add the oils).

5.     Release and Refill.  Great to do at the end of the day. Click for the meditation. Get comfortable, either sitting or lying down. Set the intention, out loud, that you are, “Releasing and letting go all that no longer serves you consciously or unconsciously for your highest spiritual good.” Allow it to drain away, going into the Earth to be recycled.  Once you feel that you have released everything.  Let the Earth’s energy spiral up from the Earth and fill you. Let cosmic energy spiral from the sky through your crown and fill you.  As you fill yourself, say, “I love me!” and “I love you!” Set the intention that you are filling you with you.

Empathy is my super power

Being an empath can be amazing.  It can help you connect to people and even help people better understand themselves.  Being an empath doesn’t have to feel like a burden or a weight.  It is your magical power, that helps you navigate your world. 

Click for the handy PDF tool kit tips. 

February's Loving You First- Step 3- Validation

February's Loving You First- Step 3- Validation

 So often we seek validation from others.  Look to them to sing our praises.  To tell us that we are good enough.  Worthy enough.  Deserving enough.  This can be a slippery slope because the more as we do things to make others happy, the more we sidelining our own happiness.  It’s time to start validating yourself.