Because we can look back and see what lessons we have learned, what things we want to change or do differently, the things that worked and didn't work. We bring wisdom to the goals and hopes of 2018.
Oh, the holiday season is upon us. Have you started to feel the changes? Celebration, joy, and excitement, mixed with the stress and frantic-ness of commitments and obligations. Not to mention excuses to over indulge, whether you are celebrating or using it as an excuse, or to cope. The holidays bring a mixed bag of emotions. Many people find themselves triggered and or activated during the holidays. You can maintain your sanity and enjoy the festivities. Here a couple of tips to help you through the craziness of the holidays.
As an empath it can be downright overwhelming to be vulnerable. You already feel everything. However, vulnerability connects us to others and helps others feel connected to us. As an empath you already feel connected to others, however, sometimes others don’t feel connected to you because you are doing your best to filter out all the information coming in. So, you put up walls to protect yourself. And sometimes, the people in your life, may feel very connected to you, because you get them. You are an empath and you have the ability to understand others on a deeply profound level. But do they get you? Are they connecting to you? Are you opening up and sharing with others?
When you hide your vulnerability you allow fear to control you. We fear sharing ourselves because of rejection and judgement. When we are rejected or judged by others, this tells you a great deal about the other person. Remember when the fear of rejection and judgement come up:
They judge and reject themselves. They are not in a place to accept you because they cannot accept themselves. They are not ready to deal their own stuff that you remind them of, so it’s easier to push you away then to face themselves.
Can you be a model to the person who is rejecting and judging you? Can you lead by example, by embracing your human-ness. When we are okay with who we are, we give others permission to be okay with who they are.
As an empath, vulnerability is scary. You are allowing others to see you for who you are. As an empath you already know which people are living in fear of rejection and judgement, so you already have the advantage of knowing who you can share with and who you can't. When empaths are vulnerable they teach the world the art of unconditional love and acceptance.
I have witnessed the #metoo posts across my social media feeds. Each one a punch in the gut, a ripping out of my heart.
I know this pain, personally and professionally. I sit with women day after day, week after week. Women who do not yet have the courage to share #metoo. Women and men who still sit in the shame, guilt and pain: not yet ready to type #metoo. Women and men who each time they read #metoo, they feel sick, anxious and scared. Countless women and men carry the painful memories of sexual assault. And those women and men who are fortunate enough, not to wear the scars of assault, hold space for their loved ones and their friends who have been victims. They hold their hands, tend to their hearts, trying to ease the pain and suffering. To support the people, they love who have been raped, assaulted and violated. I have witness the people who have been assaulted and the deep wounds they carry. And those who haven’t, love someone who has. We are all affected.
I’ve tended the wounds. Fear. Mistrust. Depression. Anxiety. Nightmares. Withdrawal. Helped women heal and pick up the pieces. Each violation carries its toll and leaves it scars. I see the life fade from their faces. The sadness that now lives in their bodies. The look of fear. The shame in telling their story, as if it was their fault. The questioning of themselves, their friends, their family. Their mistrust in everyone and everything. The loss of joy, because to let your guard down means that you could be hurt. The struggle to maintain outward appearances while inside screaming and scratching to get out. The body that rebels, jumps and tenses. Unable to relax. The mask she wears to convince you, me and herself that she is really okay. When we all know she is not. At this moment, life feels like it will never be the same. She is forever changed.
(Trigger Warning) For each person who has violated another person, I want to you feel the impact, the pain, the suffering, the torment and torture. Feel the discomfort in knowing how profoundly lives are changed when the body is violated. To know the weight of the pain she carries, every day because of someone else’s decision. Feel that in your body. It’s rejection of you, the person who calls it home. Feel the body tense and tightened unable to relax. Feel your heart pounding, your hands sweating, lose of breath, the nausua that lingers threatening to escape. Every moment, every sounds, sends chills down your back. You are on edge. You are uneasy. And you feel like you are breaking. Cracking. Falling to pieces. Never to be whole again. Feel it. And imagine if you lived like this every day.
The sad truth is right now, we live in a world that thinks sexual assualt is okay. Caused from over eager boys. Men who feel they are entitled. Boys who do not understand no. Men who think because she wore a short skirt she wanted sex. Boys who think, it’s wasn’t rape so it doesn’t count. Men who think because she’s drunk, it’s okay.
We as a culture need to heal as men and women. We need to come together and create a new social norm that says, "this is not okay," We need to stand together!
What can you do?
If you have been violated:
1. Speak up. When you speak up, the people who perpetrate on others are held accountable for their actions. Yes, it is scary. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it’s painful. You will feel guilt and shame. You will question yourself. When you speak up, you get your voice back. You get your body back. You get your power back. And you get to prevent other women from experiencing what you did.
However, if you are unable to speak up, don't punish yourself. Share your story with those you know can help you heal! You are not alone in this.
2. You need to know, none of this is your fault. You did not have it coming. You did not ask for it. I repeat, none of it is your fault! You are brave. You are worthy of unconditional love. You deserve respect.
3. Talk to someone. Start therapy. Heal your wounds. Share your story. Connect to other survivors. The more people who speak up and take action, to more we bring awareness and change our cultural norms.
We as a community need to get involved:
1. If you see something that in your gut feels wrong, say something, ask questions.
2.If you see a drunk person leaving with a someone who they don't seem to know or appear uncomfortable with, stop and ask if everything is okay? Does one of them need help. If one of them doesn't to wants to leave with other person offer to get a cab? Pay for their uber or lyft. Ask her or him to join you and your friends.
3. If you see someone push another person away, instead of looking away and assuming that it’s a couple fighting. Ask. There is nothing wrong in asking. You might just save someone.
4. Do not judge or blame the victim. This person needs your love, support, compassion and empathy more than anything. This person needs you to be there, to let them cry. To let them be vulenerable and to know they will be okay. They need to you to be there!
As men and women stand unified that our bodies are sacred and it is a gift only the body’s owner can offer another person. It isn’t something to be taken, it’s something to be offered. The body needs to be seen as an honor not a conquest.
Together we can stop sexual assualt and dating violence. We can feel safe around those we crush on, get butterflies in our stomach around, are curious about, want to get to know better. When we start to communicate with someone new, the excitement when we see a text or email. The increased heart rate, the sweaty hands, and giddy-ness. The eagerness for the next text. The nervousness, for the first date. What to wear, what to say, where to do. The changing of clothes a hundred times. The chats with girlfriends. The high hopes. The lightness. The electricity. You deserve this. You can have this and feel safe in knowing that you are in control of your body and that this is respected and valued.
Do you have those dreams, the ones you wake up wondering if you are crazy? Those dreams that spend the day with you, freely flowing in and out your thoughts and feelings? Those dreams that you know something is there, you just aren't sure what?
Join me won't you, as we venture into my subconscious together. And you discover ways to understand your dream messages.
(the following blog was originally posted 5.16)
The other night I woke up with just the faint memory of a dream. There was a lady, in white. She was on the beach, buried up to her shoulders in sand. She put her head down on her arms on the sand and cried. She made no attempt to get out, even though she could easily escape her sandy prison. She just cried. The ocean waves started to crash into her feet invading her hole.
And still she just cried…
I woke up baffled. Why the lady didn’t get out? Why she was crying?
What was this dream trying to tell me?
Do you experience this? Do you wake up from some dreams confused? Perhaps even dismayed? With the feeling that there is a message for you?
What are your dreams really saying?
Dreams are gifts of insight. Dreams hold clues and juicy information for us to use in our waking lives.
But how do we figure out what exactly are our dreams trying to tell us?
5 hidden meanings inside your dreams:
1. Dreams show you your fears. It doesn’t have to be nightmares. Often they show up as unsettled dreams, those dreams that upon waking we feel uneasy.
The lady in white is a fear of hopelessness.
Action: Take time to journal the dream. Use your five senses and really delve into the emotions invoked by the dream and the different characters. Engage with the fear. What does it have to say? Show you? What do you need know?
2. Dreams show you your weaknesses. Often our weaknesses come out to play in our dreams. They are put on display. Our insecurities are magnified.
The lady in white didn’t attempt to leave the sandy hole, caught in despair and displaying physical weakness.
Action: Look at the feelings that these dreams bring up. Where in life are you feeling insecure and weak, even not in control?
3. Dreams show you your strengths. Our dreams also show us how magnificent we are. Use these dreams to inspire and encourage you. They are a reminder that you are in fact, AMAZING!
The lady in white showed no fear of the water surrounding her.
Action: What are your strengths in your dream?
4. Dreams allow you to see your shadow. Your shadow is the side of you that you often avoid. It is the parts of you that you do not like. Shadow in waking life often shows up as projections onto others. The things you don’t like about others are often your shadow. In your dreams, your shadow can come to you as a person.
Water often represents emotions, the lady in white was not facing her emotions and was being swallowed by the water. She turned her back on shadow.
Action: What gifts, does your shadow bring you in your dreams? Remember, shadow is neither good or bad, it just is parts of you looking for love and incorporation. Take the negatives you use to describe shadow and turn it into a positive. What messages does your shadow bring?
5. Dreams bring you messages and answer your questions. The issues we face in waking life come to life again in our dreams.
The lady in white brings messages of facing shadow and facing emotion. Not to put my head down and cry but to maintain my ground, no matter how overwhelming I may feel.
Action: What insight are your dreams bringing you to answer your questions? What messages are coming to you.
Each dream may bring each of the above or just one. Take time to sit with your dream. As you move through the actions above, you’ll know when you hit what your dream is trying to tell you. It’s an a-ha moment, where everything comes together and makes sense. Don’t rush it. Sometimes, we have to sit and wait. Allow the subconscious images to intermingle with your conscious thoughts.
Your dreams are here to provide you with guidance and support. Your soul is trying to assist you on your journey in this lifetime. When you can tune into your dreams, you open yourself us to answers, guidance, and connection.
Action: Take what you have learned from your dreams and create something. Perhaps there is a message to do something, then do it. Perhaps you are inclined to draw, paint, sculpt or create something to remind you of the dream image. Maybe it’s having a token to remind you.