Dealing with trauma: yours and someone else's

Dealing with trauma: yours and someone else's

We as a collective are still struggling. Everywhere there is tragedy and trauma.We all handle pain, trauma, loss and tragedy differently.  Some of us are profoundly affected.  Moved beyond words.  Some of us, stuff away, pretend that life is the same.  Some of us are moved to outrage, yelling and fighting for social changes, and some become defensive against those who disagree with our ideas of what will make the world a better place.

Defense Against the Dark Arts: Empaths Guide to finding your Patronus through astrology

It’s almost like they can smell it on you. They are drawn to you, like some invisible magnet pulls them to you.


As an empath or Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) you feel it all, from everyone and every place. People and environments become dementors preying on your magical life essence. They sense it in you and pounce upon you.  Many unknowingly take from you. And you unknowingly give to them. You feel drained, exhausted and less than.


As an empath/HSP bringing awareness into what you feel, hold, keep, transmute, give away and accept allows you to create loving boundaries and honor yourself without giving yourself away or holding what is not yours. As empaths/HSP we often take ownership of others feelings and stuff. That’s not our place. When you claim someone else’s feelings you take away their life lessons and growth. Our emotions are messengers, we learn and grow from them. When you hold onto others feelings (perhaps because you love them and want to spare them from the pain and hurt) you rob them of the experience to work through, grow and heal. As an empaths/HSP you have a beautiful gift of feeling deeply and with this comes great empathy and compassion. Allowing you to go places most people fear and reject. You are like guide to the underworld. You can go to those places and help transmute the pain into evolution.

The world of dementors can be a scary place. It doesn’t have to be. Because you already have the tools you need to shield and nurture.


Your Patronus- Defense Against the Dark Arts- Lesson 1

Your patronus. What? You ask. Yes your patronus, it’s been with you since birth. Our astrological signs are our patronus. They are ready and waiting to be used consciously. Our imagination is a wonderful healing tool, and calling on it to aid us when life feels too much, is a beautiful way to lessen the burden, to expand ourselves and increase our happiness.

I delved into three of the types of our astrological makeup. Your ascending, moon and sun signs. Each of these we engage with on a daily basis. Each can help depending on the relationship and situation.

Your ascending sign or rising sign is how you appear to others.

Your moon sign represents your emotions, subconscious and your primal instincts.

Your sun sign represents your personality, ego and vitality.

For your patronus you are using the power of the sign to assist you in creating boundaries out of unconditional love as well as shielding you from being drained.

When calling on your patronus you can envision yourself surrounded by the element and being, you can become it, you can use its nature, aspects and traits to assist you. I encourage you to play with this, have fun. These aspects are already part of you, allow them to express themselves in the way that feels most natural to you.

Each sign is represented by a creature. Spend time thinking about what the creature symbolizes to you, what are its natural strengths? What physical attributes does it have for defense?

Next, think about the characteristics of the sign, what makes it powerful and dynamic?


Shadow Triggers

If you find yourself judging or disliking an aspect of a sign.  That’s your shadow.  Spend some time with that aspect. Can you find another word that doesn’t trigger you but means the same thing? Can you identify why and when the aspect is helpful? And when you, yourself have used that aspect. When we are aware of our shadow, it is less likely to be used against us (that is a whole nother lesson, which I will cover soon, stay tuned).


Four Elements

Each sign belongs to one of four elements, fire, water, earth and air. You can use this energy and super charge your patronus. Each element is powerful!

I have started you off with a few suggestions, but please explore and honor what feels right for you. Some signs might feel a bit more abstract, that’s perfectly okay lean in with creativity and openness.


Earth Signs

Earth shifts and moves. Earth creates earthquakes and landslides.



Capricorn (Sea Goat or goat)  the governor

  • initiates
  • objective
  • fixed

Virgo (virgin-seeing things as new) the craftsman

  • entertainer
  • analytic
  • changeable

Taurus: (bull) the builder

  • strong
  • powerful
  • steady

Air Signs

Air can be calm, forceful and swift. Air creates hurricanes, wind storms and tornadoes.


Aquarius (fish/water bearer) the teacher

  • rebellious
  • unconventional
  • unpredictable

LIbra (scales) the judge

  • diplomatic
  • romantic
  • impartial

Gemini (twins-polarity) the jester

  • comedian
  • changeable
  • quick thinker

Water Signs

Water can be still, it can flow and be deep. Water creates tidal waves, swift currents and ice.

Pisces (fish)  the messiah

  • chameleon
  • Intuitive
  • evasive

Scorpio (scorpion) the outlaw

  • shapeshifter
  • passionate
  • mysterious

Cancer- (crab) the mother

  • intuitive
  • reflective
  • nurturing

Fire Signs

Fire can be quick, hot and destructive. Fire creates, forest fires, sparks and flames.


Sagittarius (centaur) the archer

  • Blunt
  • free spirited
  • witty

Leo (lion) the father

  • performer
  • confident
  • dramatic

Aries: (ram)  the warrior

  • active
  • spontaneous
  • fearless


You don’t have to stop with western astrology, you can use any astrology you are drawn to.  You don’t’ have to stop with astrology, look at what creatures you are drawn to. How can their aspects and energy assist you in empowering your gifts, creating boundaries out of unconditional love and shield your life force?


Wands at the ready!  Go, have fun and play!  Healing doesn’t have to be dreadful and painful, all the time. It can be fun, full of magic and imagination!

The Disconnected Empath

Empaths are the sponges of the world. Soaking up the emotions of world, people, places, the environment. I worked with a lady, who as soon as she entered the office you can feel the negativity and unhappiness radiating off of her. In my novice years, I would have soaked it all in. I would have owned it. Until, I understood how energy worked and the complexities of being an empath, was I able to deflect and move on.

As Empaths, we are often so busy wringing out, sorting out and processing everything others feel, we lose connection with ourselves.

Our emotions get yanked tangled into everyone else's. We start to identity with everyone else but ourselves. We own everyone's emotions.

This can lead to feeling drained, exhausted and depleted.


The empath child is a people pleaser to ease tension and discomfort we feel.  Too young to understand why we feel the way we do. We become the holder of family emotions. Empath children become people pleasers in effort to ease the internal tension, to stop the discomfort. Believing that happiness in others will stop their pain. And still not yet understanding the complexities of emotions.

As adults we often feel overwhelmed, lost, burdened, not sure who we are, and taken advantage of.


What to do?

Remember be gentle with yourself. Learning how to connect, identify and give back takes time. It takes practice, just like learning to ride a bike or drive a car.

Identify. What are the emotions you are feeling? Do they reside anywhere in your body? Are they yours?

Decide to own or give back what you feel. I use to say release but it's more than that. There's a human component that needs responsibility. Empaths often suffer here. Taking responsibly when no one else will. That's where you learn to walk away. Give it back to the owner and hold them accountable. Empaths, it isn't your job to shield this from others, especially loved ones.

You are here to guide others in the beauty of emotions. Not to hold and carry. You do yourself and others a disserve when you hold and claim someone else's emotion. Emotions are a gift, a lesson, an opportunity for growth, regardless of which emotion. Check in with authenticity, can you provide support to the person whose emotions you are feeling? A hug? A smile? A conversation? Remember, you are supporting them, not taking on.   

When it’s your emotions, meet them where they are. We run from uncomfortable emotions - sadness, anger, anxiety.  Think of them as an old friend. Invite them in. Offer them a snack. Befriend them. Learn from them.


Create rituals that serve your soul. Be child like in your self care. Engaged in those things that bring out or curiosity, and awe. What your soul care looks like is going to change day to day. It isn’t a checklist, or part of a to do list. It’s asking yourself what you need today? A hug? A cup of hot tea? A warm bath? Nature? Dancing? Give yourself permission to meet yourself where you are in each moment.

You deserve to feel amazing!  You are not the dump for unwanted emotions!  You are a tramsutering, transforming the world!

Creating Change

The New Year for many is a new beginning.  We honor the New Year with the creation of new goals and dreams.  We resolve to be better, get better, to change and fix.  We make lists of things we want to achiev.  Add to , revise and maybe even create a bucket or *uck it list.  And as the year progresses we mark our accomplishments or more likely than not we become disillusioned, stuck and frustrated. Giving up on our resolutions, goals and dreams. 

We start off, setting ourselves up for failure. We dream big but don't plan. We want and wish but don't do the work. We dream and forget that life gets messy, that's how we learn. 

If we want to change and create our dreams. We have to get dirty and do the work. 

What we do:

1.       Write down your goals and dreams. 

2.       Get creative, create a vision board and put where you can see it daily.

3.       Map it out.  You got to have bit size pieces you can swallow.  If the piece feels too big, then it is.  Break it down more.  For example, your goal is get in shape.  Break it down.  You want to be able to walk a mile, run a 5k, go the gym 5 times a week.  Make your goal measurable. 

4.       Reward yourself.  Positive reinforcement really works.  What do you want to give yourself for achieving each step?

5.       Forgive yourself if you fall of the wagon. It’s okay.  Life happens.  Get up, dust yourself off and start again.

6.       Give yourself permission to succeed, to fail, to learn and to try.  What do you need to give yourself permission for to achieve your goals?

What we need to do:

1. Start looking at where you limit yourself. Do you play small? Shy away from the spotlight? Acknowneldge your weakness. You can't get stronger if you don't know where you need to grow.

2. Heal your stories. We create stories and live by them. Stories of victimhood, neglect, traums, success, failure and on the list goes. These stories define us. But they are not who we are. Look at where your stories no longer serve who you are.

3. Allow yourself to feel all your emotions. They are messangers. When we run from uncomfortable feelings, we stunt our abiltity to grow, change and manifest. Feel each emotion, what does it have to offer? Lean in and work with it. You don't have to get caught in the emotion, feel it, let it teach you, work with and move on. 

Wishing you a fantastic New Year full of growth and change!



Dream Rituals

Dream Rituals

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What the f*ck is self care and why isn't it working?

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