My first crush was Darth Vader.
I was going to marry him. I knew he just needed someone to love him, to understand stand him, to accept him. He was hungry and starved for love. If someone loved him unconditionally he’d be okay. I was perplexed when Maleficent wasn’t invited to the baby shower. How could people be so mean? Of course, she was angry, her feelings were hurt.
I knew these emotions, why didn’t anyone else? Could no one else see their pain? Their hurt? Their masks? That they behaved from a place of emotional hurt?
When I was little, I talked to dead people and no one believed me. I use to sit at the bottom of the stairs that lead to my parents room and talk with my dead paternal grandmother. I was 16th and shut myself off from the dead. The harmless old man that stood at the end of bed needing to be heard and out of fear I closed my eyes and that part of me. It would take years and time to reopen that part of myself.
I’ve always had a wild and vivid imagination, including bizarre and fantastical dreams. As a child I created entire imaginary worlds to play in. (I still have a wild imagination and love using it in healing work).
I also felt the feelings of those around me, not understanding what I was feeling and longing to ease the internal tension, I tried to please those around me. Falling miserably, by adolescence I was overweight and depressed. Food had become my escape. Stuff down the feelings. And when that didn’t work. To keep from feeling the feelings of everyone and everything, to deal with the powerlessness, I employed various eating disorders; bulimia-stuffing down the pain and releasing it through the purge, anorexia- focus only on food and numbers,no time for anything else, exercise- release the endorphins, tire out the body, exhaust the mind. All in effort to distract and numb the pain. Those around me only seeing the punk goth kid, missed my cries for help.
It’s hard for broken people to help broken people when they are trapped in their own pain.
As an adult, anxiety kept me ever on edge and fearful. It ruled me. My eating disorders controlled my life, until I chose my child over my illness. However I still didn’t have a grasp on being an empath, how it affected me and how I could use it. I was locked away inside myself. An invisible shell pretending to get by. Pouring myself into my child, trying to ease any of her suffering and causing her pain without a clue.
My desire to fix those around me in effort to fix myself lead me into codependent relationships and even a few years with a narcissist. Because I always saw through the facades and ego, into the soul.
I tried to rescue others while sacrificing myself.
I have had my share of hacks and snake oil salespeople. I have also been blessed with magical healers who assisted me in my healing. So I could do what I do best, help others heal.
Healing is a magnificent journey.
Healing my body through massage, reiki, yoga, exercise, and herbs.
Healing my mind and heart through art, imagination, nature, laughter, therapy, shamans, spiritual practices, mentors and coaches.
I’ve embraced being an empath and intuitive.
I love witnessing others stories, sitting with emotions (even the painful and dark ones), and playing in imagination to facilitate healing.
I am here to help others connect and align to their deepest soul wisdom. To empower empaths. To help people heal their trauma, pasts and pain. To aid in healing anxiety and depression.